Saturday, February 18, 2017

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Me These Days!

7 AM
I’m half awake, I find my mobile, check it with half opened eyes. Open WhatsApp, no good morning messages. Oh!! She is not there, no one bothers to text me so early.

9:30 AM
I’m driving to office, my friend is sitting on the back seat. And, my friend utilizes that time to talk to his girlfriend. 

1 PM
It’s our lunch break. I go out thinking about her that I may see her roaming sometimes. I finish my lunch, come back to office. Start work, take break, remember her, and it goes on...

6:30 PM
Now it’s time to go back home, but I don’t want. I think, what I will do at home? No matter I will have dinner or not, I surely will think about her and ruin my evening.

9:30 PM
Now, I’m sitting in my room. I see everything in my room related to her, including her hairpins; I hate all these now. I get involved in thoughts, deep thoughts. I miss her. I miss being with her. Before sleeping, I open my laptop, try to watch some TV series or movies, close it in midway. The joys are replaced by tears. And those enchanting talks are replaced by silence.

1:30 AM…
I cry myself to sleep, tears well up in my eyes, run from the corners of each eye down to my ears as my head rests on the pillow. They never reach my cheeks. I can feel the wet streaks, as they nestle behind each earlobe on the pillow. This is the time I remember her most. Sometimes I hear her voice. Other times, I forget what it sounds like.
I feel helpless, I want to see her, I want to talk to her. But, I don't have her mobile number, I am blocked from all social media accounts. Her friends do not reply, treat me as a creepy ex of their beloved friend. Few of them have also blocked me, lol. I feel incapable of doing anything, I feel weak, insignificant.

I do not remember, when I sleep in night.

Please don’t judge me that I’m in a miserable condition or need sympathy.

Monday, January 30, 2017

मुझे तुम कभी भी भुला ना सकोगे!

I wish I hadn’t heard this song. But, this one’s also about moving on, in my way actually.
"Mujhe Tum Nazar Se Gira Toh Rahe Ho", is a beautiful song by Mehdi Hasan. It's awfully sad, but I liked it.
I be like "it must have hurt." Sure!!

मुझे तुम नज़र से गिरा तो रहे हो
मुझे तुम कभी भी भुला ना सकोगे
ना जाने मुझे क्यों यक़ीं हो चला है
मेरे प्यार को तुम मिटा ना सकोगे

मेरी याद होगी, जिधर जाओगे तुम,
कभी नग़मा बन के, कभी बन के आँसू
तड़पता मुझे हर तरफ़ पाओगे तुम
शमा जो जलायी मेरी वफ़ा ने
बुझाना भी चाहो, बुझा ना सकोगे

कभी नाम बातों में आया जो मेरा
तो बेचैन हो-हो के दिल थाम लोगे
निगाहों पे छायेगा ग़म का अंधेरा
किसी ने जो पूछा, सबब आँसुओं का
बताना भी चाहो, बता ना सकोगे

मेरे दिल की धड़्कन बनी है जो शोला
सुलगते हैं अरमाँ, यूँ बन-बन के आँसू
कभी तो तुम्हें भी ये अहसास होगा
मगर हम ना होंगे, तेरी ज़िन्दगी में
बुलाना भी चाहो, बुला ना सकोगे


Even though you are losing your respect for me
You won’t able to forget me completely
I don’t understand why, but I do believe
No matter what you do, my love is undying

Wherever you go, you’ll remember me
Sometimes in a song, sometimes in a tear
Wherever you go, you’ll find me suffering
The fire that my faithfulness has given birth too
Cannot be diminished, no matter how hard you try

Some times if you come across my name in the future
you will become sad and will be sitting there holding your heart
your eyes will be blinded by darkness of sadness
when some one asks you the reason for your tears
even if you wanted to you would not be able to give them the reason



Tuesday, January 24, 2017

My Side of The Story

What is happening these days is that I am becoming my own worst critics, thinking that everything was my fault, speculating what I did, what I did not do, what I could have done, what is wrong with me, what was right with me. And like always, I do not get these answers.

What I forget is that I am responsible for my action, no one else is. Justifying what I did against what someone else did, then, is a worthless effort. It is not anymore my duty to understand anybody—after all that person is not in my life anymore.

What I know is that I am only left with my side of the story and that is why I can't get over her easily. And I know that I tried, and that was all I could have done. I loved someone but was not loved back.